is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I did not marry a roomba.
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