my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
