I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
