I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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