im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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