I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
