I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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