Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
