Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
