You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
