Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
