return my video game
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
