i jhust puked up my retainher.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
