During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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