I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
