jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
her vagine was all disorganized.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
