I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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