I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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