dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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