omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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