the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
