Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
