Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
