Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
