omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
