Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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