remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
