I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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