I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
