Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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