i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
