Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
