I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
