You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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