Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
