Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
