Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
