when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
