Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
