i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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