wanna go halves on a baby?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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