Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
