you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
