So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
