I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
