Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
