Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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