thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
