A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
