thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
