You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
