yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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