Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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