I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize