It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
