i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
