I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
even my farts smell like vagina
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
