**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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