Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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