i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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