my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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