Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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