How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
