got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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