i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so explain again why im purple
no
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
