i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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