my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
